YOU KNOW YOU'RE IN NORTH DAKOTA WHEN ...

The wind is faster than your truck.

Every other vehicle is a 4x4.

In April your vehicle is 43% mud.

You leave your keys in the car and the next morning it's still there.

You break down on the highway and somebody actually stops to help you.

You can pay for four "Big Macs" with a personal check.

You can see the stars at night.

People drive 200 miles to shop in a real mall.

Your great-grandmother is younger than the county courthouse.

Your Valentine's Day gift is a new set of snow tires.

The meat in your freezer is mostly deer.

The bumper jack in your pickup will lift a house.

A girls' basketball game fills the gym.

A siren does not interrupt your night's sleep.

A rodeo is more popular than a rock concert.

Diet Coke is the drug of choice for most working people.

A yellow light means "Follow the car in front of you, no matter what."

You wave to someone on the highway because you recognize his truck.

You talk about a combine and people don't wonder what you're putting together.

In the spring, every tenth vehicle you pass is a tractor.

Someone says manure spreader and you know it isn't the local congressman.

When the car in front of you is weaving, you suspect a farmer checking fields instead of a drunk.

You define summer as three months of bad sledding.

Your definition of a small town is one that has only one bar.

"Down south" means Aberdeen.

You have no problem spelling "Wahpeton".

People "borrow" things to you.

You expect to be excused from school for deer hunting season and harvesting.

Your soup du jour at your hometown cafe is always beer cheese or knoephla.

You think of something other than the Bible when you hear the words "Great Flood".

You drive to town during a blizzard just to see if the weatherman knows what he's talking about.

You know four seasons: Winter, Still Winter, Not Winter, and Almost Winter.

You design your Halloween costumes to fit over snowmobile suits.

Your husband thinks lingerie is a flannel nightgown with only 8 buttons.

The forecast is for 60 mph winds, 3 feet of snow and 60 below wind chill and the highway is full of people from small towns going to any big city--just to shop or for the absolutely essential reason -- to attend a basketball tournament.

You lie awake thinking of uses for leafy spurge.

You assume everyone has seen northern lights and sundogs.

You have attended a formal affair in your best dress, wearing your best jewelry and your snowboots.

You cry when a tree is cut down but complain when a new one is planted because it blocks the view.

You think cold weather gear is a bottle of schnapps.

After you discuss the weather, conversation declines.

You understand "AYH, y'betchyah" means either "I agree" or "You're full of it" and know the difference.


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Julie D. Moncada

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